Cupid of the Year

Recently an armed Romeo from the great state of Georgia met and somehow wooed his girlfriend by inadvertently shooting her. According to The Week, Matthew Webber was out hunting and mistook a lady in the woods as a deer. Then shot her. Later, she woke up to find him by her bedside, where he confessed his newfound love shortly after apologizing for gunning her down in the woods. Now they’re dating. It’s like a Julia Roberts movie!

This is, of course, the most romantic story of 2013.

First, while I haven’t seen any pictures of his new girlfriend, being mistaken as a deer is pretty good evidence that she’s not exactly a Victoria Secret model. That’s romantic because it indicates that Matthew Webber appreciates qualities which are more than skin-deep, like “not suing him for getting shot,” or resistance to airborne lead poisoning, which is so valuable to motherhood nowadays. Second, he shot her with an SKS rifle (the most romantic of firearms). I think Smith & Wesson should go ahead and starting booking Mr. Webber in their advertisements in preparation for Valentine’s Day catalogs.

Finally, his girlfriend showed remarkable forgiveness and understanding in the whole “accidentally getting shot” thing. I’m no expert on female psychology, but I imagine most ladies would be a little irritated if a guy mistook them as an antlered herbivore and then gunned them down in the woods; they might even avoid the guy. But this lady is either really, really amazingly cool about mistakes, or possibly already had some experience dating Dick Cheney.

This goes without saying, but if you’re a young person reading this, for the love of God, don’t stumble out into the woods with a box of chocolate and a sidearm. While it might make for a less interesting story, OK Cupid or time-tested dank single bars are still laudable options.