Hey readers, Jim here. Heaton gave me his prorated rent before he left for Scotland. I figured since he was planning his move to New York, I should help him out. Here’s what I did with his rent check:

So, I reached out to a self-storage place and signed a contract for Heaton. They were really nice. First, I got him a great deal. Buy one month, get one free. Along with free shipping to New Jersey.

The movers came last night to pick up his stuff. Heaton’s old pad is now empty. Like my soul.

The storage people complied with my one condition, which was find Heaton housing. I put down the remainder of his rent as a deposit on a nice one bedroom home with a view of the water.

I also sold Montez (his fish) to a kid down the hall for some petty cash, as well as some other possessions Heaton never used much.

The contract, which I have and awaits Heaton’s signature, is pretty straightforward. Rent’s not bad, at least for NY area standards: $1200 a month, all utilities included.

The movers were to send me a picture from the street where Heaton will soon be living. Here it is:

I made it the header of Heaton’s facebook fan page. I also got him one of those prepaid cell phones with a local phone number so finding a job will be easier.

I’m told the mob doesn’t trust outsiders, so an Oklahoma or DC phone number won’t help. Heaton’s new phone number can be found on his “about page.”

You can delete all of his old numbers and just save this one. Trust me. (If you do call it before he gets back, the folks at the corner store are watching it for him until he picks it up.)

I have one more post left, so get ready, readers. And if anyone is in the Bayonne area, leave a comment. We need to get a friend base going for him there.

Jim Swift is the author of the scholarly paper “How to move your roommate to New Jersey without his knowledge.” He blogs at Bomble.com. He is also the CEO of Bomble LLC, a firm that specializes in hostile webpage takeovers and relocations of roommates.

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