Maid in Japan

Culver City, a vestige of Los Angeles, is home to a fantastic Japanese tea café named Royal-T.

Unlike the tea joints I’m familiar with (anyplace which sells anything located in the UK), Royal-T is a touch of Tokyo. The tea cups are small, glass and hollow, presumably for thermal reasons. The decor is decisively futuristic. All of the servers are Japanese Lolitas clad in skimpy brown maid outfits that sway as they walk. A sort of oriental answer to Hooters.

The café is buried within a larger art gallery engulfing it. From my table, I could see a large ceramic white dog positioned near the front door, its head level with my sternum. Behind a glass wall appears a bathroom of sorts, with huge glass sperm dripping down the walls and collecting into puddles at the bottom with buggy cartoon eyes.

The best is in the back. The Porta-Party. Its dimensions are the same as a porta-potty, only it looks like a giant iPod. The inside is large enough for one or two people to stand in comfortably, and there’s nothing within except for a disco ball, speakers and an iPod Shuffle. I locked the door and rocked out to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’. With the right financial backing, Porta-Parties could be the next big thing. Don’t like your date or the music in the kitchen? Looking for a convenient make out spot? Want to practice some cool dance moves without public scrutiny? Barricade yourself in the Porta-Party.

Step into my iPod.