The Majestic Chinese Dog Lion

I would like to congratulate the innovative zookeepers of Louhe, China, for literally trying to pawn off a large hairy dog as a lion. This came to international attention last week when a visiting mother and child realized that the prized lion they had paid to see was, in fact, a Tibetan mastiff.

Praise goes to the keen intellect of the lady who managed to realize the deception. She uncovered the duplicitous lion when it barked, which lions rarely do. “The zoo is absolutely trying to cheat us,” Liu said. “They are trying to disguise dogs as lions.”

This is perhaps the greatest news story of the year. It’s wonderful on so many levels. First, let us consider the fact that, apparently, other visitors did not realize that zookeepers had tried to pawn off a large furry dog as a lion. A lion. This means that until an unusually suspicious lady blew the whistle on the whole shady operation, people had drifted by and said things like, “Hmm, Tibetan lions sure look funny,” or “that’s a lion? It’s smaller than I imagined, and it wags its tail a lot.”

But the even better thing to contemplate is the sheer audacity of the Henan Province zookeepers. Looking at a customer straight in the eyes and saying “that’s a lion” right after you served the animal puppy chow takes balls. If that zookeeper had been born in Massachusetts instead of China, he would probably be a congressman by now.

Regular readers will recall my fondness for zoos. My first job was as a dolphin show crowd control specialist and carousel operator. When I lived in Scotland I relished trips to the Edinburgh Zoo, which once had a bear as a commissioned officer and currently has a penguin who was personally knighted by the King of Norway. And my heart is still pained from the closure of Little River Zoo, a park which filled its exhibits with animals rejected from wealthier zoos.

Now I have another zoo I need to visit. A daring zoo which endeavors to dress up large, shaggy dogs as the King of the Jungle. My hat is off to you, intrepid zookeepers. I can’t wait to see what kind of animal a basset hound can pretend to be.