PRESS RELEASE: Andrew Heaton to run as Whig in 2020
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 24, 2020
Contact: Andrew Heaton
844-768-3397
WHIG PARTY RETURNS IN 2020
EDMOND, Oklahoma - The Whig Party is returning to American politics after 166 years and will be in play during the 2020 election. The party will only field a vice presidential candidate.
Its preferred nominee, Andrew Heaton, refused to run for president at the party’s remote convention this month, but agreed to run as its vice presidential nominee. The Whig Party will therefore skip a presidential candidate in 2020.
Mr. Heaton told delegates via Zoom that “anyone who runs for president is a psychopath” and that “if by some fluke you win, it sure looks like a lot of work.” Heaton has therefore agreed to run only for the second highest office in the land, saying in his acceptance speech, “I’d be pretty good at shaking hands at diners and funerals and stuff. I think I’d have to live in an observatory, but that’s fine.”
While Mr. Heaton’s coalition blocked other Whig hopefuls from fielding a presidential candidate, he says he’s open to running as VP on other tickets. “Joe Biden and Kanye West are both running, and neither have selected running mates yet,” Heaton told reporters. “So I think it would be a friendly gesture for me to run on both of their tickets simultaneously.” He acknowledged that Joe Biden might prefer to have a running mate exclusively dedicated to the Biden campaign.
Starting late in the game and with virtually no ballot access, Heaton is aware that he will have to work outside of normal election strategies. “I’m going to focus on getting endorsements from former vice presidents,” he said. “I think we’ve got a pretty good shot with Dan Quayle. Then Cheney, Gore, and Mondale if he’s still alive. Biden isn’t running for VP this time so there’s no conflict, but getting Mike Pence’s endorsement will be pretty hard.”
When asked about the potential of being a third party spoiler, Heaton got confused and began to consult with his campaign manager. “Are we third party? I thought we were running fifth party.”
The Heaton4VP campaign is confident that they will still be able to get on the ballot in Louisiana, and are hopeful of securing access in three additional states, plus Guam, which has no electoral votes. Heaton also told reporters he’s “bullish on Alberta” although it’s unclear whether his reference to the Canadian province is some kind of political statement, or if he incorrectly thinks it’s an American state.
Mr. Heaton is available for interviews via his campaign hotline at 844-768-3397 or by email at heaton4vp@mightyheaton.com. He is the host of two programs, the science fiction podcast “Alienating theAudience” and “The Political Orphanage,” a news and policy podcast.