Swedes Urge NASA to Send Condoms into Space

Our Scandinavian friends over at the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education (note to self: ask for personalized tour of facilities on next trip to Europe) are urging NASA to include a pack of condoms in whatever rocket we next fire into orbit. This is because, obviously, if aliens ever swing by Earth and decide to get freaky with us, it’s probably a good idea for all parties involved to use protection. Aliens may not have adequately received HPV vaccines, for example, or might carry quantum gonorrhoea. Or what if, somehow, I manage to impregnate one of these green space women, a la Star Trek, but their ovaries fertilize ten thousand eggs at once, so I become a mega-daddy and have to pay the GDP of our entire planet in child support? These are serious issues and I’m glad the Swedes are focusing on them while those eggheads over at NASA are fiddling with telescopes and clipboards and whatnot.

Incidentally, did you know I wrote an entire novel dedicated to the subject of everything funny about space aliens probing farmers? It’s called Frank Got Abducted and it has everything from crop circles to UFO’s to a murder mystery. It costs less than a beer as an ebook so I’m already angry with you for not having downloaded it yet.

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